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For hours I resisted, reluctant to cause my mother any anguish.

Her passing is no longer the day-to-day struggle it once was, but it probably comes as no surprise that Mother's Day is still a somewhat hard day for me. Just as she was there for me in the beginning, I will now be there for her at the end. But she wasn't a statistic. She has seen him more times than I can count on my two hands and she would go again in a minute. Happy Mother's Day to both of us.

Think outside the box this Mother's day with some of our gift ideas. How long will they serve as proof that she was here on this Earth, that she was real? But now it hurts her to move so a 6 hour auto drive just isn't going to happen. She stopped existing at 15. Instead of trying to find the flawless box of chocolates or bouquet of flowers, we asked moms what they really want for Mother's Day. We don't want to cook, we don't want to do dishes or laundry or change diapers or discipline the kids. Except, of course, if they don't grow up. If you stick with the mundane, there's really no way for you to get her something she wouldn't have already just bought herself, so you need to get interesting.

Whether that's what you're looking for or not, "I'm so sorry" is a phrase you will hear repeatedly when you mention that you don't/can't celebrate this holiday. We would make her breakfast in bed, bring her our gifts and smile as she cried reading our cards.

There's no better day to kick back and relax with mom than on Mother's Day coming up this Sunday on May 14th.

I am not nearly everyone. I guess we did okay; at least that's what the kids tell me now.

There are more than 2 billion in the world.

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But what if I don't want that to happen?

"She is always there during the toughest times".

Or a day off from everyday motherly activities?

At the restaurant, amid the families toasting their living mothers, my friends and I will likely cry and laugh as we share stories about our mothers. The trees are small but thriving. "I Love my Mom".

Whenever I mention that I don't really participate in the whole Mother's Day thing, someone will nearly always tell me I should visit my grandmother, aunt, family friend, etc. Was I able, I would send flowers to each and every one of them. As Mary Rose Villacastin-Maghuyop and Bobby Bargamento were winding the Theatre Summer Workshop, they chose to have Mothers' Day celebration as the culminating activity. "It would be nice to know that they appreciate the sacrifices I make and the things I do for them". I was using the free second not to breathe and relax but to check the work emails that were multiplying like rabbits on my iPhone (and I was feeling guilty about having left work early, obviously).

Akeelah (Keke Palmer) can spell exceptionally well, but the thing is no one seems to want her to. I'll need to reconcile her absence on these days so I can be present for my remaining child. I can not describe to you how I felt the first time I saw your face and I held you in my arms. That's when the reality of my child's absence will finally feel real.

Treat mom to a visit to touch elephants in Hazyview at Elephant Whispers or the Elephant Sanctuary or take a road trip to the Hoedspruit Endangered Species Centre or Maholoholo. I dread the full weight of time and distance that will inevitably make her absence a solid thing, final and irreversible.


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